I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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