so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
