I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
