and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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