My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
