you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
