You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
NoShamevember. You game?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
