# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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