He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
