I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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