The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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