This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
