he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
