Well apparently he's into motor boating.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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