Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
