Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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