Just mADE A PArabola og urine
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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