saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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