If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
