brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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