Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
