How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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