can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
