this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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