Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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