508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
