This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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