I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize