I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
