Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize