he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i want to swaddle you in tequila
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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