I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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