Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
