Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
