is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i came on her dog
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I didn't notice because vodka
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
