she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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