Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
