i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
