I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
