This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
thus making me awesome and them whores
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
