I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
