RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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