Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
