Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
