Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize