I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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