He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I will be naked everywhere
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
