forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I think my moral compass just broke
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
