If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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