Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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