your thong is hanging out like whoa
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
