TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Sober January is a disaster.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
