thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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