Dude my mom stole all your condoms
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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