No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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