All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
