i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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