i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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