its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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