Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
40s are totally the cure
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
