the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
