Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
