Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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