You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
