so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
