i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
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