It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
