if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
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