Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I love having hate sex.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
