My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
