Small penises have feelings too.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize