he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
