i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
