If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
