I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
