She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
