Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
