you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
