I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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