You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
