So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
