Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
