she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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