Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
