His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
