Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
